What does your lover think about sex, religion, careers, household work, children, money and the future? Do you really know him or her? Before you commit, you should know what questions to ask.

Relationships with the opposite sex can be at all different levels. You can have a great friendship with someone, but not the slightest interest in romance (it'd be almost like kissing your sister!). On the other hand, you could feel romantically drawn to someone because of their personality, looks, charm, intelligence etc. You may even "fall in love" and decide to marry, but it's not until you live with them that you learn that they weren't the person you thought they were going to be. Someone who was great fun at one relationship level (friendship, romance) might be "anything but" when you crank it up a notch, to a level where you have expectations of intimacy, fulfilment and having to negotiate with them on a daily committed basis.

This article is about how to avoid the relationship minefield; how to find out what a person is really like when they know that no one will report on their behaviour.

How compatible are you with the person you are with? How would you know? Just because you like the same types of foods and pets does not mean you can have a blissful, long-term relationship. Do you know why your mate does or doesn't attend church? Do you know how they really think about the way you dress? An estimated 83% of divorces would not take place if couples asked each other the right questions.

You may have known of people who never told their mate about being arrested for molesting children, or that they were sterile or had a STD. Others have found their partners simply charming and seemingly strong and trustworthy, until they day they married, only to find they were controlling and abusive.

It is so important to know the thoughts, feelings and desires of the one you are with. You want to know the things your sweetheart is passionate about. You want to know how you can give them much joy and happiness, as well as what irritates them and makes them feel blue.

So you need to know the right questions to ask.

The first thing is to make your list. Here are some useful categories around which to craft your questions:- Personality, Feelings and Emotions - Favourites - Pets - Attractions - Health, Food and Wellbeing - Vacations - Morals, Convictions and Beliefs - Religion and Spiritual Matters - Car & Driver - Holidays and Celebrations - Home & Home Life - Past & Future - Hobbies & Entertainment - Love, Romance & Date Nights - Friends & Family - Communication - Career & Education - Money - Relationships, Past & Present - Children & Child Rearing - Wedding & Honeymoon -- Sex

There is a link at the end of this article, where you can find help with constructing your list of questions.

Do not avoid certain questions just because you find them uncomfortable or even embarrassing. Break down that communication barrier and learn to be able to talk about those issues with your partner. If someone is unwilling to talk about certain issues, it should throw up a red flag for potential problems down the road.

If you don't think a question applies to you, ask it anyway. Your partner might have some interesting thoughts on the matter.

Be honest in your answers, but at the same time, you don't need to paint vivid details of any of your past mistakes. You have to live with these memories; don't make your mate have to as well.

You need to use a certain amount of wisdom with your questions. For example, someone who has just begun dating shouldn't accelerate the relationship by asking questions about marriage and sex. If you don't think you and your partner are quite ready to commit to each other, it would be best to start off with questions about personality, your past experiences, favourites and perhaps something like pets. The best relationships are built on a solid friendship, so first address the questions that will help build that base.

Don't be too specific with questions relating to sexual activity. While it is important to talk about your sexual likes and dislikes, giving too much detail about your sexual pasts can be harmful to a relationship. Your mate needs to know if you have been sexually active but does not need to know dates, times, locations, positions, etc.

About the Author

Want help with ideas for questions? Michael Webb has written 1,000 of the best questions anyone can ask. More details at 1000 Questions for Couples